


Special

by Morethancupcake



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Office, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Artist Steve Rogers, Break Up, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Insecurity, Jealousy, M/M, Polyamory Negotiations, Tony Stark-centric, War Veteran Bucky Barnes, minor Tony/Rhodey at some point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 04:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6179401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morethancupcake/pseuds/Morethancupcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's just.. they do that, sometimes. Pick a random guy or girl, enjoy what it brings to the relationship for a while."</p>
<p>It's been a year. A wonderful year. Not falling in love with them would've been smarter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Special

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing for these three idiots, please be kind.
> 
> Not beta-ed, all the mistakes are mine and mine only. Please remember English isn't my first language if you decide to KINDLY point them out :)

"It's just.. they do that, sometimes. Pick a random guy or girl, enjoy what it brings to the relationship for a while."

Tony keeps his smile in place, and is glad for the glass of red wine he probably shouldn't have ordered. 

"It doesn't last, but it's fun for them, and no one gets hurt." Her hand on his is a little too cold, but soft as silk. "I don't want you to get hurt, Stark."

 

And the sad part is, he believes her.

 

Natasha isn't the only one. 

Bruce waits until they're both alone, working, and then he asks very carefully if he's sure about it. Like he just knows how fragile Tony is inside, how is heart is still very much made of glass.

 

That night, Bucky's smile is blinding when he comes out of the tiny kitchen with an homemade baked alaska, and Tony enjoys the taste of alcohol and vanilla ice cream on his lovers lips.

 

He knows it's a mistake

He knows

 

It's just hard to remember when Steve's hand finds its way in his hair, when they're kissing in the morning, lazy and soft. It's hard to remember when the air smells like coffee, and he can feel the sun on his skin, from the tiny window of the tiny flat.

It's harder to remember when Bucky bullies them into having breakfast in bed, the whole thing a mess of crumbles and coffee kisses.

It's harder to care.

 

Bucky was the one who asked, because he's bold, and his grin is contagious. Steve was shy, but his eyes were soft and burning, and really, Tony isn't strong enough to say no. Never was, really.

"We noticed the way you looked at Steve. I ain't that jealous, why can't we have fun ?"

Fun.

 

Such a small word, to portray almost a year. He's never been with anyone for so long, he wasn't sure he was capable of this.

 

Of course, sometimes it hurts. In the beginning, especially, feeling left out, watching them kiss, and exchange I love yous, knowing this, Steve and Bucky, was existing away, in a place where Tony wasn't real at all.

He knows, of course he knows.

But Bucky holds him close at night, soothing him after the nightmares. Steve bullies him until he rests his feet, cold after too many hours working, on his warm legs.

It's not love, he knows it isn't. It's hot, the sex mind blowing, and it's hilarious, and everything he ever wanted really.

But yes, for them, it's fun.

 

"Don't think you're special."

Clint words cuts through his chest like one of his arrows, and he looks sorry but resolute. They're not exactly friends, but they're close, or at least he thought they were. His boyfriend is Pepper's best friend, so he thought they had something going on, running together and grabbing coffee while they were plotting world domination.

"I mean, that's the mistake. Thinking they're going to see the light, and realize you are the one. They won't. I'm sorry, but they won't."

"I should stop you right now, right ?" Clint groans and burries his face in his hands. "No, really, I should..."

"You are great, Tony." 

"Oh God, come on..."

"I'm serious. You are. And it sucks because you can't win, okay. You can't."

 

Clint never says if Pepper asked him to do it. They finish their coffee and go seperate ways. 

 

Steve crashes at his place for a quick shower after his run. It turns into hot shower sex, then very hot couch sex. Bucky arrives just in time for slow sex on the plush carpet, in front of the amazing view.

They never really stay. Why would they ? Bucky goes to PT, Steve to a meeting with someone possibly interested in his new paintings.

Tony smiles at Steve's new doodles on his fridge. His place feel huge, and silent.

He's tired.

 

He's still Pepper's date to most of their events. It's easier, she explains. Sadly people take then seriously only when they're together. So he smiles and tells everyone what an amazing woman she is, and she rolls her eyes and tells him to go get her some food.

It's almost a good time.

"You know you can say no, right ?" Phil is probably the opposite of what Tony was picturing as Clint's boyfriend. He's nice on the eyes, sure, but he's just... safe. Yes, even know, he makes Tony feels safe. It must be a super power of some sort.

"I am sure you know Clint already gave me the talk, so if you don't mind..."

He's grabbing a plate when he's at his right, actually taking the plate from his hand. "I am very fond of Steve. It's not a secret. But I know he tends to be a little selfish at times."

"Wow. Aren't you going to burst into flames ?"

"Tony." 

He lets the words wash onto him. It's cold, and it goes straight to his bones.

"You need to protect yourself. Because I'm not sure they will."

 

He arrives to the appartment when the movie ends, and Bucky is peacefully drooling in the middle of the bed. 

He's usually the one sleeping there.

Instead, he sleeps closer to the window, and when he wakes up, they are a mess of limbs and he is cold.

Outside someone is listening to the same stupid pop song, and it drives him mad. They both shuffle in their sleep, close, closer to one another, and his fingertips itches. He wants to touch, he wants to get closer, to.

Bucky stop snoring and moves away from his hand, burrying closer into Steve.

 

Tony puts his suit back on, and he doesn't smile back at the looks he gets when he hails a cab home.

 

"You left us, this morning." Steve is the petulant child today, smiling sweetly at Bruce until they're finally alone in the lab. It's late, for him anyway. He should already be home, cooking dinner with his boyfriend. "You know I don't like when you do that. I woke up and you were gone."

"You weren't alone exactly." Tony can't help smiling, because it's just too adorable, this giant trying to make himself small to win this.

"Bucky missed you even more, kept complaining about how he didn't see you at all." Steve's kisses are soft, so soft. It makes him feel cared for, to be held like this. 

Maybe that's how it feels, to be loved, he wonders.

"Come home. It's Friday, and I know you're free." Tony chuckles.

"Pepper actually told you that ?"

"Well, no. She's a very scary woman. Happy did." Steve's lips cajoles his into another series of kisses. "Bucky is making your favorite, real carbonara with that disgusting..."

"Guanciale." It makes them both giggle

"Yeah. Guanciale. He's been to that italian shop and got everything for you."

"It looks like he went to a lot of trouble."

 

He can't say no.

 

Bucky greets him with a dirty, open mouthed kiss, and the whole place smells like pasta, and his childhood. Bucky's hair in a ponytail, Steve wearing faded sweats. It's home, now, for him. 

 

He doesn't want to say no.

 

He knows it'll go away, eventually. 

 

"You should move some of your stuff in here." Tony looks at himself, at the sweater and the socks he had to borrow. "Not that I mind watching you in my clothes, but, it would be easier, don't you think ?"

"Isn't your place already cluttered enough ?" The smile doesn't reach both of their eyes. Bucky looks like he wants this discussion to be over, and Tony wants to leave, already.

"Yeah, obviously. You wouldn't want your precious suits wrinkled in this mess, right ?"

"Buck..." Steve is watching them from the couch, ready to break the fight is needed. His tone holds a little warning.

This isn't how Tony pictured his Saturday.

"Nevermind, Stark. Do whatever you want. Like you always do."

It takes a handful of seconds for Tony to remember he can move, and to sit in the small chair, next to the window.

"Don't mind him, he's always grumpy when it's cold." Bucky looks tired, yes. His shoulders too stiff, probably in pain. Steve nudges him with a toe. "Hey, don't be sad, okay. He doesn't mean it."

"Shut Up Rogers, of course I mean it !"

 

It doesn't make him smile. He's tired. He's usually tired, these days.

 

"You could always move some of your stuff in my appartment. It would be easier..."

Steve's smile is always so soft.

"It's not really our style, Tony."

 

It's hard to breathe, in the small living room. Steve excuses himself to check on his boyfriend, and Tony watches his toes, wriggling them under the thick wool.

He hears sweet words, and I love yous, and he feels his eyes heavy and too warm, he feels like he has a fever, maybe, and everything just hurts.

 

They don't go after him. He wishes for something, anything, when the stairs stay silent, and he's freezing without the sweater he left upstairs. The cab driver laughs at his T-shirt, and he puts the heating the the max, asking him if he's the guy he saw on the cover of a magazine.

 

They talk about global warming, and green energy. Tony tips him well, and he runs to his building with snow hitting his face.

 

They don't call, they don't text him, not that he checks in the elevator ride.

 

His place is comforting, and he wonders if he should finally cave in and adopt a cat, or a dog, and accept his fate.

He takes a shower, orders enough from his usual restaurant to last him a few days, and looks at shelters around him.

 

Pepper calls him a few hours later, sounding exhausted.

"Did you lose your credit card somewhere, or did you really just made a donation to an animal shelter ?"

"Wow. That was fast. Even for you, Pep, that's really fast."

He can hear her move things around, and yawn. "No, they actually called to thank you. The woman on the phone was crying, according to your assistant."

"I still have an assistant ?"

"Natasha is going to be pissed, if you forget it."

He microwaves himself some soup, and he can hear her do something similar. It feels oddly comforting. 

"What's going on, Tony ?"

"I was thinking about adopting, so I went and checked. So many of them, Pep. I don't have the place, nor the time, but I realized I had money, so why not use it, you know ? I stopped buying stupid stuff years ago, I can do what I please with it." The soup is boiling hot, and he curses under his breath, making her giggle. "And I kept thinking about my father, and how pissed he would have been."

He starts to eat, and on the other side, Pepper is eating something crunchy.

"You're not telling me I would be a desastrous pet owner."

"I am not."

"You should. I am awful at taking care of myself. I forget to eat, and to sleep."

"And yet you never forgot to take care of me when we were dating. You always make sure Happy is having a good day, and to check on James regularly. You would take good care of a pet, I'm sure."

"Why am I not marrying you, again ?"

"Because I am far too good for you."

 

He wakes up late in the morning, feeling a little dizzy after what felt like a decent amount of sleep on a full belly. 

Steve texts him when he's considering breakfast, and seem surprised to find him awake on a Sunday morning.

 

"I'm sorry." he says when Tony picks up his call. It's hushed, Bucky probably still asleep. "It wasn't a good day, and he's still feeling a little rough. He'll apologize himself in a few days." A sigh. "I'm sorry, Tony."

"Is he alright ?" He doesn't ask if Bucky needs anything, because he knows the answer. 

Not from him.

"He's sleeping. It was a hard night."

"I see." The silence is heavy between them, suddenly. 

This is it, Tony thinks, watching the heavy clouds outside. This is it.

"You need me out of there, uh ?"

"Just for a while, Tony. Just for a little while."

It hurts.

"What are your plans for today ?"

 

Tony hate small talk. He hate the wariness of Steve's voice. He hates the snow. 

Mostly, he hates himself.

 

He knows it was supposed to end, he knows. A stupid, selfish part of his brain wants Steve to say it, to actually say he's being dismissed, but Steve is too damn sweet, and he's so exhausted, suddenly.

 

He works most of the day, because that's what he does best, after all. He answers all of Pep's emails, and even almost finishes the long list of tasks Nick sent him over the weeks.

He's actually working on some easy pro bono stuff when Rhodey calls him.

 

"Pepper tells me you're working."

"Honeypuff. I am wounded. I am here missing you and you call only to insult me."

"It's Sunday. You have a rule about working on Sunday."

"The Bible has a rule about working on Sunday. I am a merely follower."

Rhodey's laugh is warm, and it makes him smile in spite of everything.

"You never were a merely anything in your life. So tell me, what's going on ? Are you on drugs ?"

"Nope." He grabs a cracker.

"You are eating. No one forcing you. You are putting real food into your mouth."

"Shut up, Pickle, of course I eat."

"Tones."

 

They're an old couple, really.

 

"I told you they were going to break your heart."

"Yeah." 

"I'll be here soon okay ? I needed to take a few days anyway. I'll see everything with Pep."

 

Bucky calls him three times during the night. 

He doesn't leave any messages.

 

Monday comes.

He runs with Clint. He sees Natasha at work, and has lunch with Bruce in the lab. Pepper takes him to openings, and meetings. Even Phil finds time to come and chat a little, asking Tony about adjustments on his beloved car.

 

He is heartbroken, of course he is. He wants to call, and wants to ask for everything back. He wants to go back to that tiny appartment smelling like home, and wants his boyfriends back.

Except they never were his.

No one says I told you so, and he is glad, not sure he would take it well.

 

"So what are we starting with ? Cuddling on the couch ? Movies ? Dinner ? You tell me."

"Well, I am not that kind of girl, Colonel, I'm not sure what they've told you."

Rhodey hugs him close, it's good to have him back.

 

They're having beers, after way too many drinks, and Tony knows it's an awful idea, it will certainly mean both of them being sick in a few hours, but for now he's too buzzed and happy to care.

Outside, the sun is slowly rising, and Rhodey is warm next to him.

"Seriously, this view. I don't understand how you don't spend your time on this couch watching the city."

"Funny. I always feel like it's the city watching me."

Rhodey snorts in his bottle.

"Of course you do." His voice is soft. "I'm sorry, Tones."

"Not your fault, honeybear. I went willingly, knowing it was going to hurt like a bitch."

"I wish you wouldn't do that anymore."

"What would we drink about, then ?"

 

Rhodey tastes like toothpaste, and hangover. It's weird, but it's not exactly unpleasant. He's strong, and when he stop, Tony wonders just how they never made this mistake before.

"What are you doing here ?"

"Well... it's obvious, right ?"

Tony tries not to laugh. And fails. Rhodey is still holding him, and he burries his face in his neck and laughs. His head is killing him, and his stomach is still doing that unhappy clenching thing, but it's just hilarious.

"Come on, Tones. Really ?"

"Goodnight Boo." The kiss Tony puts on his mouth is loud in the dark.

 

In the late afternoon, when they manage to drag themselves back on the couch with breakfast, Rhodey looks ready to kill himself. Tony hands him a cup of coffee.

"Only you, Colonel Rhodes, would offer yourself out of sympathy and friendship. Only you. It's like you're competing for best friend of the year or something."

"It looked like a good idea at the time, okay ?"

"You're not even gay, sweet thing. Was I your first kiss ? I was, wasn't I ?"

"I'm way too sick for this."

"You call it drunken mistake. I call it blackmail material."

 

They go to games, and have more beers.

"No more tequila. Ever." says Rhodey with a glare when Tony holds his hand with a grin.

He doesn't let go.

 

They go to museums, and to movies. Rhodey reads awful novels he cackles about, and Tony beats him at all the video games he can think of.

 

Bucky calls. Sometimes.

Steve too.

 

He feels like he's running away, and it makes him mad, because he's not the one who left.

 

"People leave, that's what they do." he jokes when Rhodey puts his bags in the car.

They don't laugh, they don't joke. 

They hug, that's what they do.

 

Rhodey goes back to his life, and Tony to his appartment. 

On the shelter website, there's an add for an adorable kitten, white with cute little pink paws.

 

Tony gives them more money. His assistant gets yet another phonecall, and Tony has to promise to go visit the shelter, one day.

 

He's actually reading a real book and trying to relax after a yoga session with Bruce when someone knocks at his door.

And maybe it's the hot yoga, or Bruce calming presence. Maybe it's the book, about a little boy living under stairs, or the fact he actually feels a little better, but he opens the door without thinking.

 

Bucky looks a little thinner.

He's still handsome, and Tony is still in love with him.

"Can I come in ?"

 

Tony makes them tea. He knows the caffeine isn't good for Bucky's anxieties, and he wonders how he can still remember small things, insignificant things.

 

"You look good. Rested." 

"Bruce is trying to get me into yoga, and meditation."

"How is it working for you ?"

I can go to sleep, he wants to say. I can eat and not remember how you would cook for me. I can go out and smile at my friends without wondering what you're doing. I can shower, and not think about what I did to mess everything up.

"Good, I guess."

 

"How are things for you, now ?"

"Why are you here, Buck ?"

Tony wonders if Steve knows he's here. If things would be better with him, here.

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault. It happens."

"Let me talk ?"

 

Tony drinks his tea, slowly. It's his favorite, black with milk and sugar. 

 

"When we started, you asked for the truth. You asked us to tell you everything, and we didn't. So I'm sorry."

After almost a minute, Tony puts his cup down. "Not your fault. You wanted out. It happens."

 

"I didn't."

 

"You didn't."

 

Bucky looks exhausted. Too exhausted to have this conversation. But when Tony tries to tell him, it's like a dam suddenly breaks.

"I wanted to have you. With us, all the time. I wanted you to live with us, and to love us. And I got scared, because you were always so difficult to read, so quick to leave." He takes another sip of his tea, as if to give himself strenght. "Steve thought I needed time away from you, and he told you to stay away."

"Yes."

"I didn't know that, at first. I thought you just were't interested by the bad days and the relationship."

"It wasn't a relationship." Bucky stays stubbornly silent, so he adds, softer. "You said. It was just fun."

 

"Tasha says we broke your heart."

"Tasha should mind her own business."

 

"I wanted you to move in with us, but I never said I wanted more." Bucky struggles with his words. "I hurt Stevie because he thought I was jealous. I hurt you."

"It's over now, Buck. It's fine."

 

"I love you."

 

He puts his jacket back on, his arm a little stiff.

" I saw you around with Rhodes. You looked happy." His smile is a sad little thing, broken and loopsided. "You always said he was your Bucky, now I get it, I guess."

He's almost at the door when Tony says. "Platonic." Bucky doesn't move. "Rhodey is my platonic soulmate. He kissed me, when he was drunk." He hates himself for wanting to explain, for wanting to spare Buck the pain of seeing him with someone else. "I was making fun of him. No matter what you saw, it wasn't... that."

The door closes behind him, and Tony keeps his eyes on the sugar in the bottom of his mug.

The door slams against the wall, and Bucky is back, in the kitchen, holding his face into his hand and dragging him into his arms.

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."

"It's alright."

"I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you too."

 

He pushes himself out of the embrace to avoid the kiss.

"I can't. Do that to Steve." Bucky watches him carefully. Like he's a spooked animal. "I can't do that to myself. You and Steve, you're good. Almost married. I can't... go through that again."

 

"What do you mean ?"

 

"I want what you have." Tony wonders just when exactly he let his pride go through the window and became so damn whiny. "I want to be loved. I want to be someone's Steve."

 

The door closes behind Bucky, and this time, Tony almost runs to lock it.

 

He calls in sick, and forgets the book. He sleeps, and tries to watch weird TV Shows he never knew existed.

It's his third day inside when someone knocks at the door.

 

Steve hands him a tote bag. It smells heavenly.

"I couldn't focus on anything, so I made you your favorite." He takes off his gloves and suddenly looks a little alarmed. "Is carbonara still your favorite ?"

"It is. Thank you."

"I saw Pepper at an opening. She told someone you were sick, so I thought it was okay to come."

"You're still scared of her, uh ?"

"Terrified. I am terrified of her." Steve smiles, and he looks at Tony like he used too. Like he matters. "How are you ?"

"Peachy. Just needed a little time out. What's going on ?"

"Bucky came to see you." Tony puts the bag away, and he can actually feel his heart trying to escape his chest. And his panic must be plainly obvious, because Steve reaches for him, actually touches him, and Tony lets himself go. "No, no. I know, he told me. He told me, and it's okay."

"I told him it was a bad idea. I told him, I promise Steve, I..."

"I love you." Steve still smells like pine tree and cedar wood. " I love you, and I told you to stay away, and I'm so sorry I did."

"You love Bucky."

"Yes. And I love you."

 

Bruce used to tell him the better part of meditation was the sudden silence inside, soothing. 

The silence inside his head isn't soothing, it's deafening.

"Tony." Steve holds his face in his huge hands, and catches his eyes. "Bucky is downstairs. We both want to talk to you. Is it okay for him to come ?"

 

They end up on his bed. 

Tony is resting against Steve, Bucky sitting close, almost spooning him.

It's dangerous, too dangerous, he knows it'll hurt, so much, when they'll leave again.

 

"We won't leave." Bucky tells him, kissing the back of his head. "We spent most of this thing denying we were all in love with each other, we won't leave."

Tony looks surprised, because Steve adds :

"I can't speak for you, or for Bucky. But I fell for you, hard and fast. Nothing I could do except loving you."

"Scared." Tony nods. Yeah. Scared.

 

"I almost adopted a pet." Tony rambles, it helps to keep the panic attack at bay. "I couldn't decide, they were all perfect, and they needed a good home."

"So you bought the shelter." Steve tries to hide his smile and fails. "We can always visit and find a friend ?"

"We need to move in, first." Bucky yawns, it sends warmth agaist his nape. "So much stuff to drag here."

"You hate this place." Steve frowns, and Bucky is suddenly tense behind him. "You never stayed, you didn't like to come over for anything."

"Well..." Steve kisses his forehead. It's soft, it's soothing. "It was easier to forget you weren't ours, back home." Tony opens his mouth to protest. "But we talked about it, and if your offer still stands, we could start with toothbrushes and sleepover, and see how things go ?"

"You want a trial test ?"

Bucky is almost asleep behind him when he mumbles : "I don't care where. Just don't leave again."

 

The little terror is named Alfie. Tony carries him gently, safe inside his jacket. The kitten had imprinted on him, and Tony knows, he just knows they won't make a trip to the shelter to find the little beast a new family after today.

Steve sits on the couch and he inspects everything, the bowls and the cat tipi, the little bed and the catfood. Alfie sleeps on Tony's chest, and he purrs at the fingers petting his back. In the kitchen, Bucky is starting early on dinner, whistling softly. Alfie makes a little sound of protest when Steve leans over to kiss them both, and Tony closes his eyes because suddenly this is very real, and he's not sure he ever deserved to feel this happy.

 

Tony holds Alfie close, and buys all the things he saved on his phone for "one day".

Today is the day.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading !!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr :
> 
> http://iwanttopizzamanyou.tumblr.com/
> 
> If you liked this story, please leave kudos or even a comment :) it always makes me really happy. 
> 
> Don't forget to have a snack and to drink water regularly !! It's time to stretch a little, stop clenching your teeth and move your face a little, there you go, you can now go on with your usual schedule.


End file.
